my heart on my sleeve..

2005-03-19T19:44:00.000+08:00

http://aprilseemscold.blogspot.com

2005-03-19T03:08:00.000+08:00

PLEASE CHECK MY NEW BLOG. I POST THERE NOW.

http://aprilseemscold.blogspot.com

http://aprilseemscold.blogspot.com

http://aprilseemscold.blogspot.com

http://aprilseemscold.blogspot.com

pl

2005-03-10T02:44:00.000+08:00

Maybe its crazy when you let it begin
Its all you ever want, all you want to start
And then they tire you, you want to throw it away
Still everything I bleed, bleed because its

All of me, and I believe it still,
It was written in a letter to me.
And bleed to sign my name and then
I'll send it in a letter, send it in a letter to me.

I'll be the one, be the one they take,
And I'll be the one they try to break,
And I've just begun, just begun now
And I'm not a lot but you can have all of me.
I'll be the one, be the one they take,
And I'll be the one they try to break,
And I've just begun, just begun now
And I'm not a lot but you can have all of me.

Maybe it's crazy and maybe even I'll fall,
But if I fall, then I will bleed and you'll see it's all of me
But then they tire you, you want to throw it away.
Still everything I bleed, bleed because...

All of me, and I believe it still,
It was written in a letter to me.
And bleed to sign my name and then
I'll send it in a letter,
send it in a letter to me.

They've stenciled out the world and then colored it in as more,
So stencil me, and watch me bleed,
All I have is all I need,
So stencil me, and watch me bleed

Fall asleep to me
I'll be there when you wake up
When you start your day your right next to me
But I can't explain
How feelings move so fast
Once they start
I can't control how my heart
Feels for you

But i never knew
I'd see you smile
I fade into your eyes
We'll be hangin out
Forehead to forehead
My hand held in yours

Fading fast without you here
I need you near to calm my fears
And be my brighest star
No one know what you are to me
Finding the right words to say never came so easily
Count on me to believe in you

But my trust issues
They're surrounding me
When can we make our own history?
My trust issues
Surrounding me
When can we make our own history?

2005-03-10T02:41:00.000+08:00

malabo ung line ng sun cellular.. badtrip ung static..
mood swing nanaman

she's mad at me.
coz the line's fed up.
ARGH.
screw sun cell.

2005-03-06T13:49:00.000+08:00

PUTANGINA MONG KUHOL NA IMBENTOR KA. SHE NEVER EXISTED SICKO. I WISH YOUR GRANDMA DIED KILLING YOU. FUCK YOU.

2005-03-05T01:36:00.000+08:00

PUTANGINA.

After talking to kat on the phone, My mom urged me to have a serious Mom - Son talk. My 10 year old faggedy cousin said shit that i took his fucking good for nothing discman. I borrowed it from him (or her?? bakla.) a few weeks ago daw then .. un.. leche.. di ko na daw sinoli. what the fuck. i borrowed it once nung retreat, nung retreat lang. Eh that was like months ago. Man. Fuck this shit. Then the fag went to my room and fucking searched it. He found it fucking here daw. Man, pano napunta dito yon? tangina baka nadala nya dito yon or anything putangina. Sira nanaman ako sa magulang ko pati sa magulang ng putanginang baklang bata na yon.
Discman lang yon for godsake, i have a discman too, an mp3 player at that. What would i do with such a sucky skipping old school discman? Pinipilit nila na ninakaw ko daw yon. PUTANGINA.
She told her secretary not to give me money when i ask from them. What the Fuck. I can't go to the other house anymore coz they think im a freaking magna. PUTANGINA TALAGA TANGINANG LECHENG PUNYETA. KAKAIRITA PUTANGINA. BWISET! PINSAN KONG 10 year old na BAKLA !!!!!! TANGINA pag tanda chupaero lang ung labas. Steerer na baklang chupaero. leche.

2005-03-02T19:45:00.000+08:00

UWI NA..

taena ayaw pa umuwi amp..

2005-03-02T01:52:00.000+08:00

didn't mean to..

sorry..
i'm sorry..

i <3>

i'm not okay i promise - mcr

2005-03-01T17:34:00.000+08:00

i woke up late this morning.. my girl woke me up just to see that i had fever. haha. i looked in the mirror and i thought i was cute. wala lang. as usual. WAHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. :D lakas tama ba?
lmao. i was wearing a huge shirt and my hair was quite laid back. I whispered to myself. "bagay pala saken maging rapper." hahahaha yuck. She got mad at me coz i kept on forcing her to do something she wasn't in the mood for. Hanggang ngayon galet amp.. nilalambing na nga aehhhhhh.. wala lang.. hehe.. i labyuuuu kat. :)

i'll bleed for her like a new tattoo..

in my heart she stays PERMANENT. <3

2005-02-28T05:22:00.000+08:00

tutulog na ko..
mgakunganoanongnaiiiisipko..

2005-02-24T16:34:00.000+08:00

never for lush

with all i wish to do is just to run away with you
i turn my back to where nothing starts
im lying under these shining stars
which one really is for me?
suck my eyes from their sockets
i can't keep it up to

you'll be first to hear me saying
"it's getting naked."
you're the first to be saying
"it's hard to know when to leave"
i'll walk by and take your hand
and tell you what it's like to be alone

it's got me thinking it's just the last thing that changes
i keep my jealousy to myself tonight
you're well known but still i'm hanging on
i don't know what escapes me and what remains
just don't say it's over now
just burn me tonight

that familiar look on your face
there's one point for each minute
that suffocates my last chance with you
my last chance

lush never forgets,
lush never dances.
lush never smiles,
lush never takes chances.
lush never chokes,
lush never goes blue.

we can start someday, face the world together.
we can start today, face each other and cheek to cheek
smile and say i miss you.
smile and say i miss you.
just smile and say i miss you.
just ..
just ..
smile.
say i miss you, say i miss you.

tell her i miss you too.
tell her i miss you from me.

2005-02-24T16:24:00.000+08:00

compo.. wala pang title. lol.

you're so bright, you're all i see
i just can't leave you there
you made my world spin again
i just can't let you leave me now
tonight she just said
"will you kiss me back?"
all i know is you've taken me
to places i never been,
to places i never been,
to places i never been..

leave me breathless with million watt smiles
katrina calls my name
her kisses make stains and memories
there's no turning back, she's all i got.

don't try to run, don't try to forget the one
it's like seeing you here
for the first time again
i just can't sleep till my arms are around you
tonight can i just say
"will you leave me never?"
all i know is you're making me
forget to breathe,
forget to breathe,
forget to breathe..

twelve kisses on my forehead
the lipstick stays permanent
eating cheesecakes together in the dark
i know i won't feel like i've been here before
tears of broken past are wiped away
it all just seems better..
seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes..

seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes.
(make up your mind, i just can't let you go)
seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes.
(wake up with me in my apartment)
seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes.
(just lay down your heart for me)
seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes.
(i'll love you till the last raindrop falls)
seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes.
(i'll love you till the last raindrop falls)
seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes.
(i'll love you till the last raindrop falls)
seeing you here is like seeing with closed eyes.
(i'll love you till the last raindrop falls)

2005-02-23T03:03:00.000+08:00

second place.

I went out with my friends who i really missed today. I'm not in the mood to do anything tonight, it's just so sad. I'm justso sad. I miss her. We haven't talked on the phone the whole day, pero we were texting all through out. We were supposed to be with each other last monday, but plans didn't push through coz she has some school work to do. Which ended up in a tambay session. The work was just distributed. That's it. We should have gone out. We couldn't go out today either coz she had to do the work she was supposed to do yesterday. Tomorrow isn't a good idea either, tomorrow daw yung presentation ekek.One thing just popped into my mind. Why can't we see each other after class? or something. Thursday isn't a good day either and friday naman daw was for defense. Again, the same question running in my mind. Why can't we see each other after classor during breaks. I'm not asking for much time naman, i just wanna be with her. Even for a good 30 minutes. That's it. Tobe with the girl i love for a few minutes would be fine, ang babaw ko noh? masaya na ko makasama siya. Anyways, Fridayisn't open either leaving one day left. Saturday. She told me yesterday that we could go out on Saturday. I was quite happy na rin that i'd be with her this week, kahet saturday pa - umaasa ako. Time seems so slow at this point, im dying to be with her.When I came home, we were still texting, I asked her if she was free this Sat (just to confirm). She said she wasn't. Herfriend would give a treat daw, and sleep over after. Wow. It Hurt. I mean hurts. It's still there, whapak.Sapol. I could understand naman her busy sked, of course she wants to keep her grades up. I've just been thinking why do friends always go first (even with other people). All my time goes for her. ALL. I even text in the shower. Even while commuting. I Just feelSO SECONDARY. I know school goes first, then prolly she could make me singit. Pero wala eh.. friends muna, to thinkna kasama naman nya yon everyday. It just hurts. I just think she doesn't need me as much as i need her. I'm too affectedcoz i love her so much. I feel sick. Im sick. I want to get sick i guess. Well, life goes on. That's okay. I mean,everything's ok when it comes to her. Natitiis naman eh. Anything for her, anything. I'm not in the mood to write anymore,naiiiyak ako. I just wanna forget it and put on a smile, get it over and done with and live like it never hapenned.i love her, that makes everything different. I just feel so secondary. Kung ganon talaga eh, ok lang, it'll just take a little getting used to para hindi na gaano masaket. Pero malamang, masaket paren na hanggang text and fone lang ako.I wanna be with her. Always, everyday. Even for a few minutes. I love her, so much.

2005-02-23T02:58:00.000+08:00

it isn't fun sleeping when you know she's talking to another guy.

2005-02-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

And we're driving just as fast as we can
and we're racing to outrun the wind
It's just me and you and you and me so wild eyed
so young, bright eyed and free
And we're trying to get out of here
and a small town romance draws ever near
And I swear we're in a movie
the highlight comes when you kiss me

The stereo sings our song
and we don't hesitate to sing along
Drive to dream to live, we could see the world tonight
Here to hope tomorrow we could see the world

And we're miles from the middle of nowhere
and neither of us seems to care
And that's why I love you so, shut your mouth girl
no one has to know
And time seems to drip like Dali
and neither of us has a place to be
So for once and forever tell me all of your dreams

2005-02-22T16:49:00.000+08:00

papunta na kong benilde.. magkikita kita kami don. haha. ang saya. i missed those guys. damn.
wala lang.. i'll post something later nalang..

ps.
the post before this was just a line from a song, no meaning whatsoever. :)

i love you cheesecake. ;)

2005-02-22T01:43:00.000+08:00

i've got a bad feeling about this..

i've got a bad feeling about this..

i've got a bad feeling about this..

=/ =/ =/

2005-02-20T09:49:00.000+08:00

Miss you.

i slept at like 5 am after talking to my cheesecake for prolly the whole day. The bad thing was i had to get up at 9 am for church, and guess what. -- When i got out, all prepped and ready, there was no car. i repeat. no car to use. wtf. i had turned myself into a sleepy snooze of pigshit embrace. it's currently 9:45 and i am pissed coz i'm still so fucking sleepy. FUCK IT. im lazy. In like three or four hours, we'll be going to the rehab as usual. I miss my girl. (we just talked since waking up till 5 am last night) I miss her so much. I know now how she feels when i oversleep. Hahaha. She usually wakes up at like 11 or 11 past but it take me +2 or +3 hours after her. I'm such a screwed bedboy. Hahaha. (You can think of the bedboy as something else, im that too. ^_^) kidding. :)

I'm so fucking happy. Emo doesn't work for me anymore. I'm not sad at all. Never been better. After thinking that life would be a living hell after my last, here she comes, and takes me away. I like everything about her.
And I mean everything. I've been like dying to post her oh-so-hot pictures here pero i kept a promise that i wouldn't show anyone. So I couldn't. Dammit. I want every God Forsaken creature to know how pretty she is. Proud ako diba? shempre naman. Hahahaha! :P Kaya lang I couldn't post, coz she won't let me. Under ako kay commander. Like everyone else. Haha.

This is how we live:
Upon waking up, check fones for messages, text the other half ... wait till she wakes up (lol. she does the waiting part coz i always wake up late hahahahah - now i know how it feels. it SUCKS. Totally.) As soon as she realizes that I'm up, tatawag na yan (courtesy of sun cellular and jay-r's call and text unlimited 24/7) and we'd like talk till she has to go, or till a friend comes along, or till she has to prepare for some lakad or whatever. When we're not on the line naman, we still text, as in. Wherever she is, she's got time for her homeboi. WAHAHAHA. homeboi amp. Wala lang, I find it sweet kasi i know she's kinda busy din with school, tapos the whole kulet clan nila.. so at least she finds time for me, a lot at that. Hindi na ata ako sanay na hindi sya kausap. Namimiss ko agad, and even when i talk to her, i still do. Weird, but true. At night naman, we talk agad when she gets home (it's like 11 pm na halos - fuck layo kasi ng uste sa cainta haha) till like 5 am. I feel bad about making her puyat coz she has to get up early. Pero makulet eh, she doesn't wanna sleep kahet sobrang slurred na ung speech nya. It's like A--YO--KO-- PA-- MAG--SL-EEEEEP. She still wants to talk to me daw like i still want to talk to her. That's Omfg so sweet noh. Sleepy na pero ayaw matulog kasi gusto ka kausapin. San ka pa? haha. Kinilig naman ako. Tama ba yon. :) Hirap kaya ibaba ung phone kahit kakaing lang or whatever. Phoning with her has been a part of me. (phoning amputa.) I feel like posting para may magawa, namimiss ko sya eh.
Puntahan ko sya sa monday, may reward ako.. treasure. (JOKE!!!Ü) bwahahahah. There are just some stuff that really don't please me like her going out/tambay too much and her going home late. Though i can live with it naman, it just doesn't make me completely happy, yun nalang talaga. Pero the hell with it, ok na toh. Best I've ever had. Near perfect eh. It amazes me. Just how she talks and shiyat, the super lambing i loveyou's. wala lang. Kinikilig paren ako. Everything's just so perfect. Ay, i asked her if she wanted to marry me pala dated Feb 18 2005. She said YES. I wasn't really expecting a YES. I was expecting something like "let's see." or .. "we wouldn't know yet." or "tagal pa non, we'll meet more people". Wala lang. Im sooooooooooo fucking happy. I know she loves me.. yeahu. :) I also promised her i'd never leave her and she sweared as well. Ika nga nila.. Promises are meant to be broken. -- not in this case you sickos. I mean, not in my case. Say it like you mean it. Yun ung point eh, Mean it. Don't promise if you're not sure you could keep it, diba? She promised naman, tapos i told her something like you don't have to promise if you're not sure na you wouldn't leave me nga and all that shiyat, i'd understand naman eh. We're young and blahblah.. so yon. But still, she did promise. She could keep it daw. She would never leave her cheesecake daw. Wala lang. Ang saya ko nanaman. :) There was this stupid ungas like texting na "Wouldn't you say i love you for the last time? may bf ka na pala". Tanginang ungas na yan. leche, ang landi. May gf pa yon sa point na yon ha. Putangina ang sarap sungangain potangina!!!! I was really stopping myself from freaking out, but i did freak out. Tama ba naman kasi? I texted the dumb fuck in a "NICE WAY", pilit pa yon coz ayaw ni mrs ng away - and as usual, kelangan sumunod kay commander kahet na burat na burat ka na. UNDER ako, punyeta! hahahaha. Pero ok lang, mahal ko sya eh. Baket ba? hahaha. Tapos ito pa ung hirit nya, "ang cute mo magselos." I was like, wtf?!?! .. kung alam mo lang ung nafeefeel ko dito! tapos ikaw natutuwa! then she's like .. "parang ang sarap mo i hug and i kiss eh, and parang love na love mo ko." Yun lang sinabi nya tuwang tuwa na ko eh, nawala lahat ng galit and inis ko kay mr aagawan mo pa ko.And she knows my weakness. Wala lang, parang pag aasaren nya ko, may kasunod na "i love you." yung buong pang aasar nya, nawala ung effect bigla. Hahaha. Tuwa nanaman ako. HAHA. Can't help it, bakit ba. Care mo? :)
Haaay, no more broken promises sana this time coz i loooooooooooove her soooooooo much. I'd do anything for her.

I've proven one thing that everyone always says.
"Pag maganda ang girlfriend, Problemado ang boyfriend."

Sana hindi ka nalang chinita para wala ng lumalandi.. argh.. nakakainis sila.

2005-02-20T09:44:00.000+08:00

wake up shaking and no excuses
my twelve with her fragile tresses
her lipstick stains my cheek again
few dots to trace my lips and blend

under the covers wanting to regain
what it's like to feel unbled
i now know what it's like again
my heart is once again red

i hold you just to keep you here
deserting me never works for us
a dream for us which you'll never take back
your promises are glued to my heart now

heaven is falling into my arms now
the sun moving back into my sky
i don't want to hide what you've done to me
a hundred hearts beat for you

a hundred hearts beat for you
i'd take you anywhere
until my feet are bleeding
i'd walk you wherever, till my feet are bleeding.

i love you kat. :)

2005-02-16T04:47:00.000+08:00

wala lang.. it's like 5 am na and i just wanted to post something lang. hehe.
tulog na si kat ko eh.. and imma sleep na den in a while.. hay. i love her so much.
don't want things to end. no more broken promises this time sana.
i love you cheesecake. :P

next time nalang,
im pretty sleepy na ren eh.. ^_^

peborit song as of today:
"She Drove Me To Daytime TV" - FFAF

Can't beat the best ones
A little closer maybe a bit too close
You function you turn out
A flawless performance

Turn your camera away from me
Spill your guts in 8mm
Put your focus where your mouth is
You're the only one who's fading here

Such holidays in the sun don't come without sacrifices
You know it makes more sense

I like the way you cry
Break my heart and break my hands and let me down
I want to snap your neck in two
And leave you dead, so dead
on and on and on and on and on (go!)...

2005-02-14T05:01:00.000+08:00

happy heart's day..

i am so happy. she makes me so happy.
i love her so much.. but..

i miss her.

love you kat. :P

2005-02-14T04:55:00.000+08:00

feb 12 2005.

i love my cheescake. :P

love you kaaaaaaaat.

2005-02-12T03:52:00.000+08:00

i met someone i had fun talking to.. open to topics i liked.. open to my music.. good girl.. no gimmiks.. no drugs.. was really nice.. and sweet.. and pretty.. and was chinky eyed.. and had a nice body..
i texted her every waking hour of this day.. and she replied naman..

and i feel something different.
she's just too perfect eh..

it's too soon.

huwaaaaaa..

2005-02-11T15:02:00.000+08:00

I see you fading away from us.
I'll miss you very much.
Room with empty bottles, broken dreams,
and pride still running high, always on your side.
But I wanted more for you.
You can't go on this way.
And now I see it all fall through.
We pray for better days.
Stuck alone and scared.
Throw your life away and now choking on your pride may be the only way.
I don't want to see you like this.
We all tried to save you but missed.
I still feel the hope on your road.
Now come back to us like the days of the old.I still feel you there, trying to get on top.
You'll always have my support, in my heart.
People you've hurt.
Friends that you've lied to.
But we understand, and that's not you can see the end of the road,
I can see it too, for you, I'm scared, if I lose you, I'm not prepared.
This time, if you die.
I watch you, right before my eyes.
Just trust me, and listen.You have no self control.
This will take your life.
Overdose and then indulge until you die.
Pondering, we all ask the question why.
Broken home, and then abandoned by your dad.
And we are left the only family that you've ever had.Help you see it through.
Fight this me and you.Reaching deep inside.
Problems not just you is what we find.
Our friendship makes it mine.

2005-02-11T14:51:00.000+08:00

Unholy Confessions

"I'll try," she said as he walked away.
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.
Nothing tears the being more than deception,
unmasked fear.
"I'll be here waiting" tested and secure.

Nothing hurts my world,
just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
you'll be the one to fall.

"I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.

Confided in me was your heart

I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

Nothing will last in this life,
our time is spent constructing,
now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.
Constrict your hands around me,
squeeze till I cannot breathe,
this air tastes dead inside me,
contribute to our plague.
Break all your promises,
tear down this steadfast wall,
restraints are useless here,
tasting salvation's near.

2005-02-06T22:33:00.000+08:00

Your Memento

I'll never forget you,
But your time to leave is way past due,
I have this overwhelming urge,
To suck in one good breath and scream,
There is no love left inside of me...

This isn't the first time,
That I've fallen apart infront of an audience..
Though the words have changed,
The message stays the same, I tried reason
It was all in vain andI wish it didn't have to be..

Now that's entertainment,
To watch me fall apart at the knees,
And grovel like a slave who is begging for a little sympathy,
And you danced around on my broken dreams,
Celebrated when I made mistakes,
This song was written about how much I hate you..

And through all the worst of time,
I sat and took it almost every time,
I tried to scream but it didn't work,
I tried to leave but it didn't work,
I wish it didn't have to be but this song is for you...

I hate you,
I hate you,
I hate you,

This must be love..

2005-02-06T22:22:00.000+08:00

We Have Loved

Close your eyes and just let go
And find the beauty outside of your front door
You've been lost in the dark
Inside your apartment with a broken heart
Because it just hurts too much to let go...

And you have lost all your self-control
You wake up miserable..
A broken heart in a box you're buried away,
Six feet under to get rid of all this pain...

Because it hurt too much to let go,
of the life you always have known..
You've been lost in yourself,
Your imagination is a crippling hell..
To have loved is to let go...

You said you'd never change..
And you can't seem to bring us back to the place of
where we first started from,
And you swore that you'd never leave
and forever bemine and that you'd die beside me,
So where are those forgotten promises now?

My light is my hope that won't stop burning,
For a love that is more than just a passing thing,
How long?
How much more?
How long?
How long will this take?

You leave me broken.

2005-02-06T03:07:00.000+08:00

story of today:
BORING.

woke up at around 1 pm and opened the tv at once. browsing through the channels, i spotted someone i knew at WOWOWEE (hahaha). Yes. It was Zack! so yun.. pretty much the whole day i remained a couch potato until around 7 pm where i had to go pick my ass up and go to geebeeee.. nothing really happened. Just went to absinth then smoked a few. Got home early at 11. tomorrow's pretty tough again coz we have to go down south cavite beyb. Rehab again. This is sooooooo tiring. Anyways, I went online right away and i have concluded that Fong is my new idol. Why? He lost a hundred pounds in a matter of months. I've always wanted to do that.
He showed me his xmas 2003 pic and his xmas 2004 pic. Unbelievable.
IDOL!!

woot. inspiring.
kaya ko den kaya?
haha. sana.

guess what?
im still dateless..

and..
sad.

2005-02-04T02:09:00.000+08:00

.THE BLACK MARIA - BETRAYAL.

2005-02-02T01:54:00.000+08:00

bat ganito.. pebrero nanaman..
naaalala ko nanaman lahat..
palapit nanaman sa bente syete..
lech.
=/

if you're ANTI CORNY, stop right here.

how can we stay forever? people say that time heals broken hearts.. sooner or later. <-- NOT!
have been proven right tons of times, but not in my fucking case. A few dates after the so called "goodbye", a few "girlfriends" (love on the rebound kuno.) just didn't work. Broke it off at once din. I feel like a big sissy waiting for someone who i know would never come. Nothing compared
to what i felt a few months ago, and yeah, i speak vocally now, i miss her. I don't want anything to happen, i just miss her. I know it's over - and yeah, moving on is a must. Nearly Cupid's Day again and i am alone - i miss her more these times. Most of my friends have their hands tucked into someone else's hand, grazing greener pastures than I am.

my views on relationships and such have changed deeply in time. im too scared to try now. as people say though, love and pain are twins. they come together. karma style. a spluttered mix of emotions are considered in myself right now. Apologetic Conclusions, Hate, Revenge, and lacking. i guess i just need a bit more time. And i need to meet someone BETTER before i forget her. Which comes rarely in this lifetime.

Someone came into my life at the right time, when i thought she was an angel, who had sprung her wings into the open and would take me with her, everything just turned bleak. i did not see the same glimmer i saw in "her" eyes. I did not see her yearning to hold me just like how i was used to. It all seemed fake. It indeed was. It was different.

Valentine's is comin up behind us already. Im dateless. Few people tried asking me out, but they aren't the ones i wanna be with on the 14th. There's this special batch of inevitables i'd love to be with. But guess what .. they are pre - TAKEN.

Coping up with a break up is very hard. I'd rather work/study/encrap myself with parties and all just not to miss her too much. Pero.. hindi naman pwedeng palaging may ginagawa eh. Di pwedeng flirt lang ng flirt. I miss the commitment. Going home early just to turn your ear up 37 degrees on the phone, saving up on cash to buy load to text her, missing the barkada chickster mode, missing the tagaytay inuman sessions, the family gatherings.. the one night stands, partyin all night mode, in short - GIVING FREE MODE UP, just to spend time/ with that one soul who would make you complete. I just miss that. I miss everything. FEBRUARY SUCKS. --
Even how her lips caressed my lower lips. How she noticed i had a mole - upperleft hair line. How i would take fx's past daylight, walk miles in the dark just to get a trike, her sitting on my lap with arms over my head, pecks.. smiles.. regrets perhaps.

Every minute of this relationship made me learn a lot.
Can say that im 3 times more mature than i was like 6 months ago. I dont even talk about sex that much anymore. (compared to before.)

I know i did her wrong, saying stuff i wasnt supposed to. Doing stuff i did, just to keep her here.
Did not think of what she would feel.. or what she may think of me.
I'd just like to apologize sincerely with all my heart.
If she could just read this. ( i know she'd laugh. But it's okay. who cares... im a sissy. )
Sana..
masiyahan sha sa buhay nya.. good luck with everything.. and i hope she finds mr right .. (the virtual opposite of myself. )

Im not asking for anything.. i dont even expect talking to her again.
Just wanna clear up stuff i've messed up.
I just realized that i really do love her.
After months of non contact, feelings are still intact.
why? i cannot comprehend. weirdest of feelings.
what hurts most..
is seeing her with..
............................................................................

CONSPIRACY.

think about these crazy things.

oh my..
ooooooooooooooooooooooh my.

2005-01-29T01:25:00.000+08:00

take my smile..

i know this is what you want..

2005-01-28T15:11:00.000+08:00

She scrunches her toes

Under the covers so no one knows

Rosey red cheeks dissolved her tears

I know what it takes

to live without regret

You'll never know

what it means to be her friend

Phone calls filled with lies

If you only knew how she sees

you In her eyes

Honestly you don't deserve her

2005-01-28T14:56:00.000+08:00

Ain't it just like meto forget to say,
"You look nothing short of amazing."
Saturday...Saturday Guess who adores you?
Seems like we never have enough time.

2005-01-26T11:37:00.000+08:00

it's the weekend.

forget me.

yrics

2005-01-24T15:19:00.000+08:00

i struggled to be heard,
then one day..
finally people started listening..

do it again..
and this time with feelings.

these stupid songs are worth singing..
dont say a word..
unless you're pretty sure..
that

YOU WANT IT ANALYZED.

2005-01-24T15:14:00.000+08:00

iknowthat sometimesthingscangetworse..
butyouknowwhat?
illbebackforyou.
youthinkiwouldletthispass?
youwinning?
fuckyoutohell.
iwillbebackforyou.
iwillbeback.
dontlaughyet.
iwillbeback.

2005-01-22T22:56:00.000+08:00

it's all about trust.

2005-01-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

maybe i should hate you for this.

2005-01-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

Distance grows with every breath you take.

I still miss your summer perfume.

2005-01-22T01:16:00.000+08:00

hey lush.. have fun..
it's the weekend.

I don't think that you know what you've been missing.
I don't think that you know what you've been missing.

FORGET ME, IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
FORGET ME, IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
FORGET ME, IT'S THAT SIMPLE.
FORGET ME, IT'S THAT SIMPLE.

forget me.

2005-01-22T01:11:00.000+08:00

the highlight comes..

when you kiss me.

2005-01-20T13:46:00.000+08:00

she fixes her lips, they always look perfect..

never a smudged line,

never too much..

i try on my blue shirt..

she told me she liked it.

she wonders what i'll wear,

she knows just what she'll wear..

she always wears BLUE.

she snickers her flip flops,

she started to panic.

remember she asked you?

remember to breathe.

and everything will be okay.

memories.

2005-01-20T13:41:00.000+08:00

just one last time,

can i call you my sweetheart?

my bestfriend?

why do all good things come to an end?..

2005-01-20T01:59:00.000+08:00

Picture's on the wall just waiting there to fall
still remind me that painful holiday, can almost hear you say
please don't miss me too long..
what did I do wrong?
could've sung a different song..
you were my tune.
Make my heart believe a want is not a need.
And I'm all right without you.
The days go by, the nights don't change.

The stars still spell out your name.
I will wait for you.
The world has let me down, Is it you're just not around?
I've lost my reason, all the memories,
Every smile you gave me - you can keep them.
The days go by, the nights don't change

The stars still spell out your name.

I will wait for you.

2005-01-20T01:52:00.000+08:00

When I think back on the times we've spent together.
It makes me want to be with you forever.
But now that's gone, and I don't know what to do without your hand.
I guess I'll have to learn how to go on without you.
Alone I stand.

I've made up my mind, and this is it.
I've decided to call it quits.
I guess that'll get by, unhappily ever after.
All we've been through means no more to you.
I never thought letting go would be so hard to do.

Forget about me, so what will make you see the saddest part

is that throught it all you remained happy.

But although I'll try to make myself believe that in the end
you'll be just out of my reach. In the back of my mind,
I hope you'll find another reason for it
to happen just once more, just one more time.

Try to find it in your heart.
We can make a brand new start.

Forget about me, so what will make you see the saddest part

is that throught it all you remained happy.

2005-01-20T01:49:00.000+08:00

When you called
it was good to hear your voice,
but harder to hear you laugh.
I had to choke back tears when you said
you were okay with this.
And it seems that this experiment
isin't going quite the way I planned.

And I'll say,"It's not enough for me
to keep a tight grip on the phone.
This line can give only so much slack,
before you're hearing my dial tone."

You and I agreed to give it time
and I thought that this was helping at first.

But every minute away from you

just pushed me further away.

And it seemes that this experiment
isin't going quite the way I planned.

I know I promised the world to you,

but now I'm halfway across the world
from you. It's not enough for me.

I've got to live for me.
For me.

2005-01-20T01:46:00.000+08:00

You say it's not going to work out
Why do you have to tell me nowIs there a difference in anything
You've said and done.
Or is it just the way we've been pretending?

I'm leaving,

Do me a favour, don't even think of me now..

Just when you thought it was over
It had only just begun.

I'm not going to let this tear me apart.

She's not my only reason.

He's not my only reason she said.
You're a weakness to me..
You should've sent me a note
Or wrote me a letter.

I wish it was how we planned.

Everything will work out.

You said I hated you if only that was true

You should've said that he'd be happy now..

2005-01-20T01:45:00.000+08:00

You keep insisting you're the one to blame.

But why are you the only one in pain?

They ask for so much morethen they deserve credit for.

Who needs them?

What's in a name, anyway?

If you leave them behind you,

I won't let them find you.

If you choose to sever the ties,

refuse to swallow their lines.

If it's not right for you,

you've got the right to move on.

Move on, move on.

I know they'll make you out to be the fool.

But you'll grin and bear it.

You'll play it cool,because you're so cool.

Degrading, berating,they're so sadly mistaken.

When they call it love, I'll call their bluff.

Just let me remind you,

that I'll be behind you.

You've got to move on, move on

move on for what you want.

Move on.

2005-01-20T01:31:00.000+08:00

FOUR LETTER LIE.

L-O-V-E.

2005-01-14T11:15:00.000+08:00

while forever seems to take its time
we're still standing here in line waiting for the sun to rise
as she looks on she's so confused
her heart is lonely broken and bruised

a closed circle with no more room for one more, screams "to hell with you"
what's wrong with this picture?
what's wrong with this picture?
did you ever stop to think a thief in the night has come to steal your loved ones?did you ever take the time to see the world around us is falling apart?
eyes closed,we've all had our eyes closed
our hands behind our back we run and hide
from everything that moves
from everything that might put out this little light of mine
and did you ever take the time to see the world around us is falling apart?

2005-01-14T10:45:00.000+08:00

"sorry i'm just tired,"you said
i made a scene and you replied
"sorry that i'm tired, but can i just see you smile?"
what was going through my head as we laid on the phone in our beds?
you always felt like you were wrong

sorry you're tired
coz i've been keeping you up half the night and bathing in your tears
coz i've been oh so scared to lose you and holding on too tight
while i've spoon-fed my fears

if only i could love the way you do
you forgive me in a heartbeat of this heart that beats for you
well tomorrow's a new day and i can't wait to prove myself to you

i'll prove myself to you.
i'll prove myself to you.

2005-01-14T10:20:00.000+08:00

I'm bleeding misery. Oh, eternal discontent- how consistent. The only thing stable in my life is how I try...To still this beating mind, so that I can finally rest. The essence of my character is that I'm unable to be without worrying. The words of dead humans seem so much more sincere than the half-signed contracts that tend to occupy the open air. Still this beating mind, so that I can finally rest. The essence of my character is that I'm unable to be without worrying.

2005-01-09T03:39:00.000+08:00

Hey, it's me. it's good to hear your voice.
but it's been too long, it's been too long.
Since I've held you in my arms.
But the night is young and so is my heart when we walk together..

Hey, it's me. It's good to taste your lips. but it's been too long, been too long.
But i still remember our night together. when you held me tight, like the night we said "goodbye". where we walked together. Well this is my one last chance to say
Goodbye to you. in the story light. ya. so i'll take every second they give before we expire. ya- whoa-oa. we thought we'd last forever but all that faded away. forever and forever ended today. All my tomorrows and yesterdays. were burried in this mess i've made. for you you're my catalist. you've started the fire in my heart. now we're crossed the fog lines and its too late to stay. and i'm the only one left on this star. left on this star. and i'm the only one locked on this star. locked on this star. and i'm the only one. ya i'm the only one.And i'm home...and i'm home and i'm home and i'm ho-o-ome. yes i'm home yes i'm ho-o-o-ome.

wala lang.. TRIP LANG.

2005-01-09T02:40:00.000+08:00

These break-up songs make sense again
And i really wish they didn't.
Sinatra's singing summer wind
And i'm thinking of the night we met.

Just one last time

Can i hear you say?
"You're my little boy

I never want you to go away"

Where are you? Please believe in me.

I'm not hanging up the phone

'til i hear you say,

"I love you.I need you near."

Just give me one last chance

And i'll never let you down again.

Oh and what i wouldn't give
Just to kiss your lips again
To hold your hand next to my heart
And wake up with you in our apartment.

Just one last time

Can i call you my sweetheart?

My best friend?

Why do all good things come to an end?..

2005-01-08T04:03:00.000+08:00

pocket knife in my fist and dark thoughts in my mind, you are not blamed, though you left me behind...

I shudder and wince, the hot blood taints the blade... it's been a long time since i last felt this cascade...

the faces, they laugh, obscuring my grip, i've got white-knuckled fists and yet still i slip...

the sun is not setting, the light burns my eyes, the dark will caress as i howl morbid cries...

the martyr has fallen, i died in your arms, enraptured by touch, i submit to your charms...

i plead with myself, "don't fall for this dream! you've been beaten almost to your death it would seem!" but when her eyes caught my heart, my pain's voice grew nigh, my tense, feverish hell was reduced to a sigh...

death to this flesh! it's now cursed and abhored, i convulse from the recoil of feelings i've whored! as internal war wages, i'm drawn to embrace, and through the bars of my cage, i now can see lace...

2005-01-08T03:49:00.000+08:00

Laughtrip.

One random Tuesday about a year and half ago, I got an email from an unfamiliar address. After some thought I wearily clicked the 'Open' icon and up popped a rambling message in purple 14 point font. It was from her...my ex-girlfriend from sophomore year who I hadn't heard from in God knows how long. The following message is Ctrl C, Ctrl V'd directly from the original email except for the parenthetical comments:

"Hi Neen [her pet name for me--don't ask]. Remember me?! Been a long time. I have a boyfriend and I'm really in love with him he's perfect and the sex is great even though your penis is bigger than his. I love my job. I run my parents florist business [something she swore up in down she would NEVER EVER do] and I make salary and commission I'm buying a new beamer this spring I don't know what style or color though it's tough. So, you wanna meet for drinks in the city tonight. Catch up on old times. Ya know. Bye. Tammy"

How can you say No to a request so replete with possibilities? Naturally, I said Yes. I emailed her my phone number and she called immediately. The phone rang literally 30 seconds after I clicked 'send.' She tried to make small talk but I wasn't listening. I finally told her I was busy so we quickly set a time and a place for that evening and I hung up without a 'goodbye.' Nope, I'm not bitter...

I couldn't believe I agreed to see her. I hate this bitch. This is the whore who snuck away during the biggest party of the year while I was at the bar and fucked one of my fraternity brothers in his room. I know this because I caught them--what kind of idiot doesn't lock his door when he is pounding his frat brother's girlfriend. I also know this because he got her pregnant...that night! YEAH!!

Fuck her. Comeuppance is a bitch, bitch!

I met her at the bar across the street from my office at 6:30. I walked in, scanned the high-backed pub-style booths, and found her. Already drunk. Apparently, as she admitted to me later in the evening, she felt it necessary to dispatch a bottle of wine before getting on the BART train to come into the City. She ran-stumbled up and gave me a big hug and a poorly-aimed drunk kiss. I smiled and laughed and immediately ordered a double Vodka Tonic with a shot of tequila (if I am going to do this, I am going to do this as painlessly as possible).

Drinks in hand, I guided her toward the empty booth from whence she came. Before she even sat her cheatin-ass down she launched into a chronicle of the previous 3 years of her life. It started and it JUST. DIDN'T. END. She was like Six from Blossom except with bigger breasts and better fashion sense.

"So I met Jason at the pediatrician's office. He's a nurse there (insert joke here) and makes good money and helps a lot of people. He helped me through a tough time you know with the break-up with Brian (what you need to realize here is that there never was a relationship to break up. She haunted him like a shadow and he wanted nothing to do with her. I have a feeling "break up" really meant "Restraining order") and the eating disorder and the hysterectomy and he's great in bed even though his penis isn't as big as yours but that's okay because he respects me and he likes Brian a lot--"

At this point I had to break in...if for no other reason than just morbid curiosity. "Who cares if he likes Brian? You said you guys broke up, " I asked oh so foolishly. She retorts with a giggle, "No silly, Brian is my baby boy." Wait. WHAA?! Tequila shot number 1--GONE.

I got up from the table without a word and reloaded. I brought her a Midori Sour and she chugged it . I shook my head in disbelief. For once in my life, I had nothing to say. After a couple seconds, she re-cocked her verbal hammer and resumed firing away. I let her talk for what seemed like an eternity before I pulled the tried-and-true watch check to arms-over-head yawn move. It worked like a charm...almost. She stopped mid-sentence and said in a loud whiny girlfriend voice, "Ohhhh, is my Neeny-Poo tired?" I slumped back against the booth a defeated man. I looked down dejectedly at my drinks, chugged them both, grabbed my coat and walked out.

Fast Forward 4 hours to 11:00pm. I am at home, hammered, watching the Simpsons.
The phone rings. I pick it up (STUPID!!) and it's her. She's even more smashed than when I left her. She wants me to come pick her up in the City. I told her she's on crack and that there was no way I would--or could--drive across the bridge to pick her up even if I wanted to. She asks if she can come over and hang out. I relent and say sure (STUPID!!). I gave her directions--Central Ave. exit, go to the top of the hill, make a right, pink house on the right across from the golf course--and hung up. Lo and behold, 45 minutes later the doorbell rings and I am yanked out of my semi-drunken slumber. It's her. She looks like a bag of awful. Disheveled, drunk, vulnerable. We sit down on the couch and she starts in again with the diarrhea of the mouth.
"I'm so glad you let me come over I don't want to be alone tonight because I miss Jason so much he is so great we are in love and the sex is great even though his penis isn't as big as yours (for those of you keeping score at home, that was, in fact, her 3rd reference to the superiority of my package--issues, ya think?) he makes lots of money and buys me things and puts me first and tells his friends he's gonna marry me and his mom loves me and we have a kitty named Raskolnikov."

She goes ON and ON for another five minutes or so. The whole time she keeps lightly slapping my leg in that rambunctious/flirtatious sort of way. What she didn't quite realize was that she was periodically touching my package with her little love taps. Being the semi-drunk male I am, I started getting aroused. Eventually, I catch her noticing the bulge in my basketball shorts. She pretends not to notice and continues with her drunken diatribe. She's in the middle of yet another "I love Jason so much" soliloquy when out of nowhere she pulls up the leg of my basketball shorts and inhales my erection.

I was so taken aback I nearly failed to recognize how good it felt. She got after it like a junkyard dog. She even did that deep-throat pornstar head shake thing. It was amazing. It was so good I was ready to blow after like 90 seconds. By the time I gathered my wits about me, it was at the point where every part of my body was involved with the impending orgasm. I had no control over anything I said or did. I was about to absolutely uncork. She knew it too and immediately shifted her motormouth into 5th gear. I grabbed the back of her head with both hands for good measure because...well, why not...and, from the depths of the blackness that is my sub-conscience, uttered these six little words:

"Oh Tammy, my little cum dumpster"

Oh Jesus. I was paralyzed Christopher Reeve style. My body was frozen and my eyes got really big the way they get when you realize you may have just completely debased another human being with quite possibly the most offensive phrase she has ever heard. Fortunately, my Mike Utley paralysis is broken by my uncontrollable fits of hysterical laughter. Oh, did I not mention that when I clubbed her upside the head with the cum-dumpster stick, she choked on my load and squirted nearly all of it out her nose and mouth? It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. I didn't know that could actually happen. I couldn't stop laughing. My stomach hurt so much I wanted to throw up.

Tammy giggled at first too, at least until she burst into tears. Between waves of alligator tears, she kept saying "I don't do things like this," and "I love Jason so much," and "we're meant for each other," and "he respects and loves me." This from the conniving BITCH who cheated on me with MY frat brother, in MY frat house, at a party thrown by MY frat.
I wanted to soothe her but a) I couldn't stop laughing and b) I didn't care. Fuck her. Naturally, she got pissed and fled bawling from the house. She left her bag, her car keys, her shoes. I eventually passed out on the couch with my sad little limp dick hanging out of my hiked up basketball shorts and my leg hair matted down with man glue.

One of my roommates woke me up around 4:30 am when he got home from work. I'm sure he loved that sight. I started making my way to my bedroom when I realized Tammy left everything in the house. I went outside and her car was still there, but she was nowhere to be found. I shouted her name a few times and got no answer. I shrugged and went back to bed.
I woke up for work that morning regular time (a miracle by itself) and showered away some of the hangover by drinking unhealthy amounts of shower water and doing my best Tracy Gold impression. With my motor skills still significantly impaired, I got dressed and stumbled bleary-eyed to my car across the street. I got up to the driver side door when, what do I see out of the corner of my eye, but Tammy. Asleep. Between the blocks of the white tees on the 13th hole. She looked like a corpse. I didn't know what to do. My first instinct was one of panic...so I got in the car and went to work.
Haven't heard from her since.

2005-01-08T03:32:00.000+08:00

You may be the most popular and mature guy in the world with impeccable judgement. Still, you're not exempted from falling extremely in "love" with your girl that you momentarily forget your world and focus your life on HER and her alone. Forgetting your friends, giving all your time for her, lose track of school and miss out on gimmicks and parties, just for her.
When that happens, don't beat yourself up over on it. Instead, pick yourself up and bounce back. There are just signs that you should know to step on the lovebreaks. I don't want you to end up like me.

you let your girl make all decisions for you
-- You know what's going to happen if you keep doing this? You'll end up watching chick flicks all the time and finding your pockets empty. Do you get me? :) Excercise your choosing powers too so you don't have to call your girlfriend just to ask what to wear.

you talk with/are with/text your girl 24/7
-- so much people think to call you kissing twins. Don't let it get to the point that the only way people can tell you two apart is to remember that you have a dick and she has a hole. Guess what? You can live YOUR LIFE even in a relationship. DO NOT GIVE EVERYTHING. Leave time for yourself and think of yourself sometimes too. Martyrdom isn't really helpful nowadays.

---------
learning from fucking experience.. DO NOT LET HER GET THE BEST OF YOU. NOT TOO SERIOUS... haha. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. She might be joining YFC to see all the cute guys there you know? Don't sleep on the "job". Know your rights. Excercise them. :)

2005-01-07T04:09:00.000+08:00

em ay ober yu? .. aym so conpyust..
dis song syows it ol.

Notice that’s what you’ve been eyeing
That i was thinking of buying this year
We need to unpack decorations
We’re on a mid summers celebration each year

Put it in a box under your bed
Forget everything I ever said
It’s that time of the year when, it’s that time of the year
When You’re your happiest or saddest you’ve been all year
I watch the seasons kill us
Better luck next year

This Christmas you’re gone
Everything About This Christmas is Wrong
Any gift you think I’ll like
When all I want is you back in my life this year

Being in a sleigh ride on the sand,
Because you just let go of my hand this year

This Christmas you’re gone Everything About This Christmas is Wrong ..

2005-01-05T20:16:00.000+08:00

SOME SONGS I WROTE.. haha.. corny.
DI GANON KA LALIM LYRICS UNLIKE THE OLD ONES IVE POSTED COZ I WROTE THEM IN A RUSH OUT OF SADNESS. HAHAHAHA> CORNY AMPUTA. =)

Lie no more

You never took the time to notice
I never wanted it this way
I just don't have the time to argue
But I got one more thing to say
We're not going anywhere
You're a cheat and it's not fair
I know it's not that you don't care
About me
And I won't lie
But I'll pretend to like it when you lie to me
I guess that's just what I'll let you believe
And if we waited here forever
I wonder if these things would change?
So many things you don't remember
I thought you overheard me say
We're not going anywhere
It's a shame that you don't care
What will become of you
When I'm no longer here?
And I won't lie
But I'll pretend to like it when you lie to me
I guess that's just what I'll let you believe
And I'm not sad that my heart is breaking
Maybe it will be for good
I guess you lied
I guess that I lied too
I lied too
I lied too
I lied too...

Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
But can you fake it for one more day?
The point I'm makingIs yours for taking
Just get your things and go away
Now you're all alone
I'm flipping through a magizine
You think I'm mean
And you try to avoid
All the things that make you sad
Hey I'm glad that you took your sunshine away
The point I'm making
Is yours for taking
Can you fake it for one more day?
Now you're all alone
I'm flipping through a magizine
You think I'm mean
And you try to avoid
All the things that make you sad
Hey I'm glad that you took your sunshine away...
I got the lies to make it true
I lack the patience to see it through
I was a king and you were a fool
It was so nice to swap fluids with you

thousand stars

In your head it makes sense
Now I have dropped my defense
I hope you figure it out soon
I can't comprehend
The mess we're in this time
Better off without me
My gut have never failed me
I'm struggling to see your view
I'm done with this game
It always ends the same
I hope you're feeling fine
I know it hurts to cry
It only hurts cuz I belong beside you
You think about the times
The stars just won't align
It never works cuz I belong beside you
Breathing without thinking
I wish you would stop talking
I just don't wanna listen to you
I can't comprehend
The mess we're in this time
Waiting for a sure sign
To help me make up my mind
I hope I figure it out soon
It's raining again, a thousand stars align
I hope you're feeling fine
I know it hurts to cry
It only hurts cuz I belong beside you
You think about the times
The stars just won't align
It never works cuz I belong beside you
And I would die beside you

Ears can see

I'd smash every single star from the sky
And I'd leave all my hopes and dreams behind
Cuz it can't rain everyday
And I won't hear you when you say
I'm long gone and you're too far away
Who's The Fool Now?Who's The Fool Now?Who's The Fool Now?
When you're good as gold
When you're mine
I'm the sun you say, yeah I'm too bright
Well you can't bare the glare today
I'm standing in the pouring rain
That way you will never see me cry

The Faker Song

You seem to think that you're God's gift
And so much better than me
You think you've fooled us all
But lately things aren't going your way
Your lies are wearing thin and it's starting to show
Forgetting half the stories that you have told
I bet you thought you'd fooled us
And that we'd never know
Heartbreaker big faker
You're out of luck you couldn't trick her
Paranoia will destroy ya
Don't turn your back or it'll get ya
You want a piece of everything
That you just happen to see
One girl just ain't enough for you
But you just can't have her
Tried to take us for a ride but we wouldn't go
Thought you'd get away with it but we both know
I bet you thought you fooled us
And that we'd never know

sorry

2005-01-05T20:11:00.000+08:00

sorry haven't been posting lately.. DSL IS FUCKING FUCKED UP AND I CANT GO ONLINE TO FUCKING RANT ABOUT MY FUCKING SAD LIFE. IVE HAD A LOT OF COMPOSITIONS AND IMA SHARE THEM WITH YOU WHEN I GET MY FUCKING INTERNET BACK. :) take care everyone. pramis kwento ko lahat next time.. im in a pc shop lang eh.

2004-12-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

sorry if i haven't posted in a while na. haha. just been busy with stuff. hmmm.. kahapon.. what ba? i went to the office, it sucked, then passed by adriatico before going home. got home at around 11 na yata. i talked to nikki till like 3 am? then slept na. had to wake up early eh. i asked her to wake me up at 8 kasi mantika ako matulog. nyahaha. thanks naman nagising ako on time.
tapos yown.. got up, still sleepy, took a shower then went na. today was stressful. haha. i went to g4 around 4 pm to give the cds to ash liit mulawin boy. hahaha. we ate at food choices then we smoked at U. we had nothing more to do so we made ikot ikot nalang. i was home at around 7. aga noh. haha. i missed her so much, she was out all day kasi at divisoria, no fone pa naman. tapos she called me up sa landline like 10 pm telling me na she was goin to the hospital. hmmm.. yeah i still miss her. natuwa ako when she texted me around 12 (meaning she's home na). i was happy coz we haven't talked the whole day and i was lookin forward to talkin to her so badly. but she was busy pala wrappin gifts and stuff. so yun. okae lang. haha. =D i miss her so much..

the question is..
did she miss me?
parang hindi.
=(

2004-12-23T01:10:00.000+08:00

ayan pics ng hun ko ..
ang cuuute! ;)
luv ya nix.
:P

2004-12-23T00:04:00.000+08:00

i love you. :P
i'd bleed for you.

2004-12-22T21:12:00.000+08:00

i spill my heart for you.
i'd bleed for you.

2004-12-18T02:06:00.000+08:00

it feels great to fall for someone after being in great sorrow for so long.
i love you dominique jean garcia castro.
ill post next time tamad na ko. hahha. :P
PEACE.

2004-12-17T01:58:00.000+08:00

i'm too lazy to rant about my life today. i'll post something more worth reading next time. :P
lalala. haha. ^_^

2004-12-17T01:39:00.000+08:00

hands down, this is the best date i can ever remember, always remember the sound of the stereo, dim of the soft lights, the scent of your hair, that you twirled in your fingers, and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late and this walk that we shared together, the streets were wet, and the gate was blocked so i jumped it, and let you in, you stood at your door, with your hands on my waist, and you kissed me like you meanted, and i knew, that you meanted, that you meanted..
..........
........

N O T !!!!!

WELL.. DID YOU FUCKING MEAN IT ?

potangina.

2004-12-15T03:04:00.000+08:00

a pilot and a bleeding heart

tearing At The Night And The Pages That I've Written
Steal Back Time For One More Day
Filtering The Fragments Of An Artificial Promise
That Shattered My Identity
Recapturing The Wonder,
Where's The Romance I Denied
Pleading For A Proverb To Cure This Cancerous Mind
I'll Break Away And Learn To Fly
To Pilot Wounded Through The Night
Cant Feel A Thing, Don't Have The Strength
To Pull This Knife Out Of My Side
Fighting For The Words To Portray The Clearest Picture
Trading Diamonds To Convey
Answers To The Questions Of Why They're Vanishing On Radar
Since Dead Men See Suns Without Rays
Complicating The Conviction That The Killer Lives Inside
I've Taken Wounds From The Lies
I Feel The Coldness In My Hands Feels Like The Knife That Pierced My Side
Won't Allow This Bleeding Heart To Mend
If It's True The Killer Lives Inside
I Hope The Bleeding Never End

2004-12-15T02:32:00.000+08:00

lahat tayo, tinamaan ng mga kanta na to..
these songs seep through everyone's hearts.
a tribute to my beloved silverstein.
making songs that everyone can relate to...
making songs that remind everyone of the pain..

ang mga panama para sa atin lahat.

THESE HURT.

hear me out

When everyone has left me here,
I'll make it on my own,
Just wait and see.
Maybe if you came back down,
You'd see it happening to you,
Maybe you'd even care.

Hear me out,
I don't think you'll make it out.
Hear me out,
See the writing on the wall.

Burn your bridge and wear
Your heart out on your sleeve,
You know you won't fool me.

You made all these promises,

You broke all these promises to me.

Follow your heart this time.

Hear me out,
I don't think you'll make it out.
Hear me out,
See the writing on the wall.

Did you mean all those things you said?

(Said!)

Even when you said you'd never change.

Writing you letters you never read.
(Read!)
Waste my breath on paper!
When you reflect do you
Get that feeling like you used to?
And every time you run away,

I Know you still have memories.

Now that you've left,
Make me feel like I'm gone.
You did all these things I hated.

_________________________

Last Days of Summer

The bright light beams
From her eyes
Like broken glass.
Or a broken heart,Who would have guessed?
You'd leave me here.
Beneath my eyes I feel the tears,
I hold back.

I won't leave this way again.
I won't leave this way

As my legs Start to shake,
I feel nothing.

I wanted you,

I needed you,

(But you werent there!)

But you weren't there for me this time.
(I forgot!)

You that I loved!

That I needed!

You weren't there.

Not this time!
You!What can I do!
I was supposed to love you!
What can I do?!
I won't leave,What can I do?!
I was supposed to love you!
I cannot feel you!
Last breath I feel!
Warm air intake!
Last summer's day!
Last one I take!
I won't leave!
Leave this way this way!
I won't leave

I Lost it all! All for you!

I won't leave.

When the shadows beam!
Misery remains!
I won't leave this time.

____________________________________

giving up

I used to make the light shine for you.
The sun has left my sky.
Velvet walls surround my sorrows,
I've sacrificed my pride.

Giving up on me,
You're giving up on me
Giving up on me,
You're giving up on me.

I've laid myself to sleep tonight
I know you've played out everything in your mind.

And now you throw it all away,

A shattered memory that you would stay

through thick and thin with me,

You're giving up on me.

And when you feel the pain,

I'm wishing I could stay.

How can I say I love you back,

You never made me happy.

You've laid yourself to sleep!

I never said this wouldn't hurt.

You gave up everything!

I never said I'd give it back.

I know! (I know!)
You'll never change!
I won't be good enough for you.
I know! (I know!)
You'll make it through,
I'll never be around to see.

You're giving up on me.

_____________________________

2004-12-14T04:18:00.000+08:00

Alone this holiday - THE USED

Maybe light a candle
Don't say a prayer for me
Feel alone
Cuz I'm gone I left you
Make Christmas your own
You throw the thought of us away
You'll be alone this holiday
Said, It's cold in this town
And there's snow on the ground
Far from home
Not alone
I left you with nothing
And that's what you own

2004-12-13T11:59:00.000+08:00

I am in you.
I am you.

these are words you should always remember.

I AM YOU.

2004-12-11T01:55:00.000+08:00

miserable.

i'm kinda pissed off at life at this point. My dsl's not workin. It's fucked up to hell. I don't like how things are going right now. I might not post in a while, I won't be around that much. I might disappear for a while, MIGHT live at Cebu for a couple of months then go back here. I need to find myself, what I've done, what I am doing. It's not too late right? I'm still young. I need to take a grasp of myself, nakakalimutan ko na kung ano ginagawa ko sa buhay ko...
It doesn't suck that much people say, but yeah, I'm right. I need time to lay off.

till next time. :) thanks.
take care everyone.

2004-12-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

please tell me you're for real coz i don't want to bleed no more..
please tell me you feel something coz what i feel is extacy..
such a shame on you, you cast your spell on me.

the stars are lined for you and i tonight,
i need you in my life..
the stars are lined for you and i tonight,
i'll take that as a sign..

when the world seemed crashing down,
i saw you and you picked me up. :) :) :)

sino kaya?? LOL. >.< hahahah.

2004-12-07T15:41:00.000+08:00

Are you hanging on for hope? The clock strikes past the hour. Is the pain enough to choke the life out? You may never get to sleep. Your time is not your time tonight. Her smile will make you weak and proud. Do you ever miss her? Do you feel the cold wind whisper? Is there anything more deafening? Are you hanging on for hope? It's all you've got worth living for. Is it much too much to cope the road out? There's a tension when we speak. The income's overrated but it's worth it when we meet on common ground. Do you ever cower when the clock strikes past the hour? It's all you got, it's all you got. I miss you more that you could know when I'm gone. :)

2004-12-07T03:23:00.000+08:00

So what have you got to say for yourself?

It's 3am and I'm not asleep. Countless nights on the couch and I can't say that everything you said was the truth. You stabbed me in the back again, You walked right through my door and I'm not scared. I took these memories of you, Placed them in a box, scattered you and viewed...Isn't it easy to say the truth?Why can I begin to find words? They come with so much might. Isn't it easy to see what you have done to me?My words, they cannot explain what you have done.

2004-12-07T01:01:00.000+08:00

FROM NOW ON, ALL THESE LYRICAL PIECES WILL NOT PERTAIN TO

ANYONE.I JUST WRITE THEM COZ I FEEL LIKE WRITING THEM. NOTHING

MORE. NOT FOR ANY SPECIAL SOMEONE COZ I HAVE NO SPECIAL

SOMEONE .. Get the picture? @_@

THEY ARE JUST BASED ON MY LIFE,MY EXPERIENCES AND MOSTLY

EVERYTHING I FEEL AND HAVE FELT. ONE MORE THING.

I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU LEFT COMMENTS. LOL. =)

Regret me, don't Forget me

Deep beneath your skin
You know this feels so right to you
But trust me, with him you don’t know
What your getting yourself into
Crawl under the sheets
With an unfamiliar face
It's getting back at me you want
It's to kill my so called grace

hmm.. right?

But now the tables have turned
There's one seat left at mine and you're still choking on your word
No wonder why you're still alone
A body bruised and beaten blue and black
No wonder why you sleep with the window open
You do this to yourself

Limping to your car, you never thought it would end like this
But your hero in his armor, wasn't playing with those fists
so innocent and still, you lay against your truck's window
Replaying what looks to me as karma, taking its last blow

And how, can you call yourself a lover?
All I know is that I love to hate, and how good it feels, to love to hate you
No wonder why you're still alone
A body bruised and beaten blue and black
No wonder why you sleep with the window open
You do this to yourself

Your lies, buried beneath the truth
Your lies, it's so hard to see through
Your lies, buried beneath the truth
Your lies, it's so hard to see through

Regret me, don't forget me
I want you to remember
Regret me, don't forget me
The last chance you'll have to stay awake

2004-12-06T23:57:00.000+08:00

ice cream with the enemy

Face it. I'm catching all your drifts. They're blowing eastward, through my door and out my window. Originate in mouth. In innuendos. Every word is meant to hurt. Meant to feel like war. I've had enough. All's fair only when the weather is. The air is right for shooting down my best intentions, but all the good is done. We'll never mention. Just like the worst. Just like the worst. Hot tounges & poor little lungs are burnt to a crisp from fire that we spit. No wins with sharp bloody pins that we've hired and fired at will. They're sticking in my skin. I've had enough. Allies are worthless in this shit-faced fucking thatI fear has grown to pity me for the damage done and you for the healing. When neither side has meant to hurt. now when I get lost. I follow the blood trail home to my disgust and think of all the wrong things I could be doing...and all the goodtimes we did ruin. "Hey, I wouldn't worry about it man. Do what you can try not to hide." "Hey, I wouldn't worry about it man. Do what you can to feel alive."

2004-12-06T17:09:00.000+08:00

i put up a lot of new stuff, the icons and stuff.
there's a new feature din, yung comments ekek.
=)) i need your comments. thanks. ^_^

2004-12-06T14:50:00.000+08:00

constants aren't so constant anymore.

will you be my valentine?

2004-12-06T01:35:00.000+08:00

... and the radio played the hits.

Today was kinda boring. I slept at like 6 am na. I'm sleepy na nga eh pero one more post before I sleep. My mom woke me up at around 1 pm coz we had to go to the REHAB. We visited my cousin who was impounded there 2 months ago. She's doing fine naman, looking good. Yeah. Astig ung rehab, it's not like other rehabilitation areas, hindi sha mababoy na madumi. It seemed so peaceful and parang hindi ganon kadami ung rehabees nila. There was this guy who I know who i saw there, si rex. wahahaha. tarantado un, kaya pala di ko na nakikita coz he was put there. I learned a lot in my rehab trip today. Every good deed you do there will be BROADCASTED to everyone. Parang Ego booster. Perfectionist din don, isang mali mo lang, may papa suot sila sayong parang temporary ID na super BIG. kunwari, di ka kumain.. lalagay don.. "non eating human" .. labo noh? every thing don may time.. yong cousin ko is like walang alam sa buhay like me. We even don't know how to wash the dishes and stuff. Pero don, she learned. may house chores nga eh. astig. matutuo ka talaga sa buhay. pero hassle sha sobra. MY MOM IS THINKING OF PUTTING ME THERE KAHIT HINDI AKO ADDICT AMPOTAH. para daw matuto sa buhay. (DUHHH!?) .. hay nako.. nakaka bad vibes. hmm.. and there's one more thing before I finish this post...........

AS OF 3 PM TODAY,

I AM OFFICIALLY OVER HER.

HEARD THAT? --

I AM OFFICIALLY OVER HER.

REJOICE. ^_^

I FEEL NOTHING FOR HER NA. TOTALLY.

2004-12-05T20:02:00.000+08:00

haha, i added some stuff to my blogggg. :)
i ate baked mussels and twin shopaos with raisins for dinner today.
wuuuuuuah.
fuck, i have 2 chikininis, tanigna pano ko tatago to. GRR.

2004-12-05T08:26:00.000+08:00

you said that you'd never let them die.

Doing nothing right, what could i have done tonight, to make everything feel so wrong? Another night gone by, another dream gone to the sky, i cant see your big brown eyes through mine anymore. Remember those flowers i picked for you from your best friends backyard? You said you'd never let them die. And like a rose, love has thorns, thorns that pierce my soul, she said she'd never let us die. Just one thing that you should know, this time ill let you go..

2004-12-05T08:20:00.000+08:00

i'll let you go. i'll let you go.

2004-12-05T08:19:00.000+08:00

never say.

the sun has set, the leaves are falling, the air is cold and my mind is sinking into a state in which I dream... of you. if tonight is the last night I'll see you, then tonight I will be yours, everyday after that in the night, I will dream that I'm with you, and promise I'll never let you go... never let you go. weeks have gone by, since I have kissed you, I long to hold you firm in my arms, and whisper the three most sacred words in the world...your mystery casts a spell on me, I'm a prisoner of want and need, I cross the distance, to feel your touch and grace. as you walk away and I wonder...will I see you again...

2004-12-05T05:18:00.000+08:00

Hey how is your time spent? Do you recall the night we met? .....She stood in an open field, but soon she'll burn away. You know that i wish i could stop, but i'm lying on the floor now. the room is spinning as you walk outside my door. Do you think that i could feel this way , in a million years if you weren't here with me tonight? and what would you think if i said i'd love you always? burn mine this time. If you say that you love me then why would you let yoursef be passed around? I'll hold you in tight and never let you out, its just you and me tonight. =D

2004-12-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

we're both tired.. let's just shut up.

down here we're caught under the waste of our dilutions that fell among the quake. help me try to understand the great diversion that came and tore us down. lean onto me, lean into you. comfort i once knew slowly disappears. reverberate, shaking at the core. holding up your own by letting go our grasp. don't say a thing, don't move a word. shallow like your breath you hold while you're under these lights that bury you. we claw and mark like animals, they show the scars we hide too well. notice you're awake dreaming while you walk. halls we create are closing in on us. you're tired so let's turn the lights out. you're tired so let's shut it off. it's time to count all the victims that were caught in our last explosion. we are the couple called suicide. we are the red cross white flag. you're tired so let's turn the lights out, you're tired so let's shut it off.

.: im sleepy - it's always been you. :.

2004-12-03T22:40:00.000+08:00

if she could just do the same

You needed more than I could give
And I gave you all that I could spare
Youve taken everything that Im worth
You made me question all I knew

You wont remember, why you came in the first place
You can try to forget her, but she came anyway
Cant understand her, so you cant make it better
You should try to forget her, if she could do the same

Regretting all I cannot change
I cant conceive my own complaints
I swear my voice has not been heard
But I led her into my dark world

2004-12-01T06:28:00.000+08:00

i failed her first impression = c

my best side was your worst invention.. i'm sure.
i checked her friendster today though i was sure i didn't want to coz i missed her so bad kaya ko lang tiningnan. haaaaaaay. this is a sucky day. my dsl's not working as it is supposed to kaya i can't go online. waaaaaaaah. server's down again. for the nth time. i downloaded armageddon because of fucking boredom. nothing seems important anymore right? ..

come on, just say it.
you hate me like a bad habit.

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY !?!?!

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY ?!?!?

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY !??!!

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY ?!!!?

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY !!!?!

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE HAPPY !????

Fuck it.

2004-11-30T14:27:00.000+08:00

lush.. i miss you lush.

i'm sick of writing EVERY SONG about YOU.

ABOUT YOU.

2004-11-30T12:16:00.000+08:00

we kept it safe and slow..
the quiet things that no one ever knows.

2004-11-29T08:15:00.000+08:00

anything for one more phone call
the silence brings the vain
black lines in my bedroom battlefield
i miss you like fatal grass

2004-11-29T00:57:00.000+08:00

a snake sniffs into broken hearts

lol. i saw the hottest girl ever(next to kristin kreuk of course) today! at market market! woooohoooooo!!!
the girl who played carla grasa in the ponds commercial owmaygad... taena.. mangarap ka! wahahaha.
whoooooooooo.
owmaygad.owmaygad.owmaygad.

2004-11-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

And I will watch her walk by
and I know what she's thinking inside
So I won't try to catch her attention

When she can only watch the ground
I'll dress the part of the one that loses now
It's no surprise after all
Hey? Its much easier on her eyes

So much to give but she'll give no chances
So nothing romantic will ever take
and your courtesy smile is so fake
There's nothing I can say

So I'll just watch her look away
When I can only watch the ground
She'll dress the part of the one that refuses now
It's no surprise after all
she is oh so perfect inside

So much to give but they'll give no chances
Just let her destroy me

2004-11-28T23:28:00.000+08:00

i spilled milk on my heart

harhar. there's this one hot chick on friendster i adore wahahaha.
i keep on checking her page for new pics. lol. parang gago amputa. hahaha. anyway.. i started my day pretty early like 10 am coz i had to go to church though i got home from common ground at around 4 am na. halos wala kong tulog noh! and my head hurts. arrr. tomorrow is shopping day for me. we're goin to greenhills. ima shop my heart out again. wooo! yey! i have a new discovery.. a new "god" band. this providence.. wow. galing. the chorus strikes me so much. it's so catchy. sticks to your head haha. paulit ulit na nga sa player ko eh. "we''ll do all the things we dreamed of.. if you let your heart go.." .. o diba? astig! hahaha. mmmmmmm... un.. it's so damn boring, and i miss my friends.. i miss my friends so much.. tangina, nakakabato dito. another good line from my new favorite song.. panama to pare:

Remember when I used to be your everything?
Now I'm nothing at all
Trust me I've tried to let you go
But I can't move on
I cant move on

What I do now will affect what comes next
And this life that I lead will be everything you need
I pray to be all that you dream and I'll die trying to be
i'll die trying to be.. all that you dreamed.

2004-11-28T17:19:00.000+08:00

prolly my favorite song as of the moment..
i love the lyrics.. ganda! @_@
nakaka inspire na gumawa pa ng poems at songs..

FALL OUT BOY - CALM BEFORE THE STORM

I sat outside my front window...this story's going somewhere:
"He's well hung," and I am hanging up.
Well there's a song on the radio that says:
"Let's get this party started."
So let's get this party started.

What you do on your own time's just fine.
My imagination's much worse, I just never want to know.
What meant the world imploaded faded and demoted
All my oxygen to product gas and suffocated my last chance

You said, between your smiles and regrets: "Don't say it's over."
Dead and gone. Dead and gone.
Calm before the storm set it off, and the sun burnt out tonight.
A reception less than warm set it off, and the sun burnt out tonight.

The next time the phone can ring my neck it gets no answer
and of the time that I've spent telling it my roots
I'm shaking in my boots
But still it looks at me like an old friend I've betrayed
the darkside of the doormat is the one your shoes have frayed

What you do on your own time's just fine.
My imagination's much worse, I just never want to know.
What meant the world imploded,
inflated then demoted all my oxygen to product gas and suffocated my last chance.You said, between your smiles and regrets: "Don't say it's over."
Dead and gone. Dead and gone.
Calm before the storm set it off, and the sun burnt out tonight.A reception less than warm set it off, and the sun burnt out tonight.

2004-11-28T17:15:00.000+08:00

say it like you mean it.. please?

Don't walk on eggshells for me.
I'm not as fragile as you think.
Stop making your words fancy.

Why say "I don't know" When you actually do?
Just tell me what you really mean
Really mean..
When we're alone
Why can't you tell the truth?
When we're alone, you know what you should do
Avoid reality.
As you dig yourself a hole.

Excuses are pathetic.
Why say "I apologize" When you don't regret a thing?
Just tell me what you really mean..
Really mean..
You say these words: why should I put up with lies?
You say these words when you know that they are untrue
Mean what you say cuz no one will take the blame
Mean those words,
the responsibility's yours..

2004-11-28T17:12:00.000+08:00

funerals

Did you ever realize why there are no stars in the sky?
Because they're on the ground.
The air is brown.
We're trapped in this town.
Let me go -- I can't breathe.
I drag myself through the debris.
I never felt more alone than on this starry road.
The air is warm but I feel grey.
The chill of dawn on a funeral day.
I lie in unrest while heavy dirt falls to my chest.
I fade away and the hollow phantoms stay.
Imagination in a chokehold, I've been steamrolled by gold records.
Inspectors are watching over me, under lock and key.
Chalk my outline;
they'd talk of this if I'd died from a broken heart.
They've taken art, turned it to something they think we'll buy.
My blood is their liquid vitamin.
Their madness festers under their skin.
I have never felt so alone in my whole life..
I have never felt so alone in my whole life..

2004-11-28T17:05:00.000+08:00

pawn shop promises

Trading 17 years for 17 minutes - following the trends.
Clinging with empty fists your falling in it - this cycle never ends.
Wanting to not want this yet living out tomorrows regret.
Regretting to not forget the stuff that comes with it
but you're feeling so special I bet.
Why are you so proud that you took.
Away this gift from the one she'll truely care for?
How do you testify on giving up the one thing you had to lose.
How would you rest if I said I want to trade it all and be there for you.
How would you rest if I testified on you.
Don't give up, don't give in, hold on.
Don't give up, don't give in, be strong.
This is one more chance..

2004-11-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

fighting tears through the pane

simply put i'm satisfied just to hear you speak
and holding on to what you said
last time here with me
i remember listening to pass
in carson our backs starin at the stars
i survive by these memories
these memories of you

so i'll press my face against the pane
of the window as i watch you drive away
the glass is still stained in my bedroom
where you wrote "i love you" with your lipstick
and once again i'm left here fighting tears away..

fighting tears away..
fighting tears away..

2004-11-28T15:24:00.000+08:00

walang sabit!

wahaha. i was poking my cousin's all day while singing walang sabit by sandara.. allahoo! wahahaha.. finally i think i wanna get on with my life and stop whining and thinking about the past. i think i wanna start over and forget, not necessarily regret everything that hapenned, and that i met her. i still love her so much though but that won't be good enough. i need to start over.. and starting over isn't really easy right? .. cmon, let's face it. mahirap talaga kalimutan pero kailangan. and if i don't start now, when? do i have to torture my heart more?
i don't think so. it's time to grow.. again. owell. i've said this tons of times before and hindi talaga natutuloy. hope it'll finally work out now that jen's here. i wish. she'd stay. not like her. ... i'm becoming dramatic again. hay. this is prolly the last time i'll talk bout her.. sana. hopefully. whaha. makalimutan ko na sana sya. masaya na naman sya eh. mukhang. i guess it's better to leave her at that. that's what i wanted for her ever since naman eh. now she's got it, i guess i just have to be happy for her. though i miss her, blah.. tama na..